Chitty Chats with Stacy

Stacy Nation: Welcome friends.

I'm so excited today.

I have the beautiful, wonderful,
amazingly spirited Miss

Megan Yoder on with me today.

And I have to just give a little
blurb about how I know Megan.

So, uh, Megan has been one of my
most committed online stalkers.

I said that right as you
took a drink on purpose.

Um, and, and we've talked about this,
so I feel comfortable saying that.

Yeah.

But our paths have crossed online, right?

And we've had this sort of
online, back and forth, and

then we got to meet in person.

Which I think we're both excited
about, and I am excited that now

you've become this like, oh, online
human, and now I actually know you.

Like I get to be in your presence
and I get to sink into that.

And so I just wanna tell you like what
an honor it is for me when the people who

are in my audiences, whether virtually
or in person, become people that are

my colleagues that I really get to
build relationship and connect with.

And you're one of them.

And so I'm so excited you're here with me.

So thank you.

Aw.

Thanks Stacy.

Megan Yoder: I'm so sweet.

Well, it's

Stacy Nation: so true.

Are you getting teary already?

Okay, great.

Oh no, you have

Megan Yoder: me laughing.

Stacy Nation: Okay, so that's my intro
to Megan, but I want you to really

introduce who you are, who are you,
what are we doing, what do you do?

Tell me a little bit about your
organization, all that good stuff.

Yeah,

Megan Yoder: so I work for sda,
which is a big long acronym.

Oh my gosh.

Let me see if I, I got it.

Educational service center across.

Central Kansas for staff dev.

Oh my gosh.

I totally botched that.

Anyway, um, so it's an amazing
organization and so my.

One of my roles is as an educational
consultant on the resilience team.

So there's a whole crew of us
that are experts in various

things, and so we get to go out
and do consulting in those areas.

But my primary job is running
the Reno County Learning Center.

I'm the director there.

So I mean directors kind
of like a fluid title.

It's actually like I'm the
principal, I'm the counselor,

I'm the secretary, I'm the nurse.

Sometimes I'm the social worker.

Right.

Um.

So I wear many, many
hats on a daily basis.

But what that means is we
run an alternate high school.

So we have high school age students
all the way through adulthood.

So we get to help people get their
high school diplomas that had

barriers that prevented them from
completing their high school diploma.

Um, love that originally attended.

Yeah.

And it's, it is so fun to get
to walk alongside them in that

journey and help them get there.

Yeah, when

Stacy Nation: you and I got to meet
in person, I immediately was like,

our energies are like soul energy.

And the reason I feel that way, and
as you're unpacking what you do is

because you're loving these hard kids,
which they've been labeled hard kids.

They're actually not, right.

They're like kids who've been through
hard things and have not had a lot of

adults who understand what those hard
things are, and you get to love them.

Through whatever that looks like.

And I just love that you're
doing that work, and I wanna

hear a little bit more about

Megan Yoder: how you got into this.

Yeah.

So, um, I actually started off,
um, my first degree is as a

licensed surgical assistant.

What?

This is great.

Yeah.

Stacy Nation: Okay.

I love when people, I
love when people pivot.

Yeah.

Megan Yoder: And so I pivoted 'cause I
just realized like, this is not for me.

Like I loved anything
O-B-G-Y-N delivering babies.

That was my jam, right?

But there's just not very
many openings for that.

And so then I got into the psychology
field and I worked in mental

health for a long time as a, um,
an attended care worker, group

facilitator, that kind of thing.

And eventually started working for a
school district and they were like, Hey, I

think you could be a really great teacher.

Mm-hmm.

So I got my teaching license through
the transition to teach program,

teaching family and consumer science.

And I, man, I loved that.

And um, I'd been in a really dark place
in my life at one point, and so I saw the.

Same needs in my classroom.

And so I'd asked if I could
bring a different enrichment

class into our building.

And so I was teaching mindfulness
and yoga to my students because I

knew how beneficial it was to me.

And I thought, man, if we could
get this in their hands, get these

strategies to them as young kids
at 12 years old, how much different

could their life path be for them
instead of learning it when I was 25?

mm-Hmm.

I got permission to start teaching
that and I was quickly getting

results inside of my classrooms.

Like people in my building who
really struggled with kids, I did

not have the same problems with they.

They, they just responded well
to the strategies I was teaching.

'em, I, they were seeing an
increase in attendance in kids and

engagement and stuff like that.

And so somehow, I don't know, but
Rebecca Lewis Retz found me and I had

kind of, I'd been attending a ton of
esda conferences and stuff over the

years 'cause I wanted to learn more.

And for the first time in my life
I was around people who thought.

The same way about kids as I did.

Mm-Hmm.

I remember the first time being at
the, the very conference that you're

coming to, bridging to Resilience.

I just went, oh my gosh.

These people get it.

They think the way that I think,
and I just remember leaving there

crying and going, I'm not the one

Stacy Nation: that's wrong.

Mm-Hmm.

So there's a couple things you've
said that I think are super important

in that last piece, that last point
of, I'm not the one that's wrong.

So many of the families that I work
with, and a lot of the educators when I

go into their districts we're pioneers.

This is not happening in
every school district.

Right.

Trauma-informed practice, human informed
practices, social emotional learning,

meeting kids in their dysregulation and
co-regulating them to where they go next.

It's not happening in every district, and
so it sometimes it feels pretty lonely.

Megan Yoder: Yeah, it did.

And I, I mean, I can even remember being
told that I wasn't a real teacher because

of the things that I was teaching them,

Stacy Nation: you know?

You, you alluded to being in a dark place
and learning these practices, and I'm

wondering how much of what you've learned
in your professional life translates to

your personal life, and how much of what
you've learned in your personal life

translates to your pres professional life?

It's

Megan Yoder: everywhere.

It's so intermingled.

Sometimes I don't know
what is what, right.

Like, one thing that we love
to do in the ZA world and our

learning center are check-ins.

You know, Mads sad, glad, are afraid.

And what is that about?

Like, we don't ask each
other, Hey, how are you?

Because what does everybody say?

Fine.

I'm fine.

Yeah.

I'm okay.

Yeah.

And, and you're lying.

Yeah.

Right.

Like I know for me, like I can say
like, if I were to tell you, fine.

I'm absolutely lying to you.

We have $8 in our bank account.

Hmm.

Right.

We get paid tomorrow, so, right.

It's all gonna be fine.

Don't worry about me.

But like, you know,
it's, we, we are humans.

We have things going on and so we need
to ask, are we mad, sad, glad or afraid?

Stacy Nation: Well, so, so
walk me through that check-in.

Let's do one right now.

Absolutely.

Tell me how it works.

Yeah.

Okay.

You be the

Megan Yoder: leader.

Okay.

So how are you coming to me today?

Stacy?

Are you mad, sad, glad, or afraid?

And what is that about?

You don't have to name every emotion,
just what comes to the surface for you.

Say just enough.

Stacy Nation: Hmm.

So I feel glad because I was looking
forward to this conversation.

Very, very glad about that.

Uh, I also feel sad because summer's
ending in fall is beginning,

although fall is my favorite.

There is a transition period in there.

Uh, and I'm always a little bit
scared 'cause I have teenagers.

So I live in a state of fear almost
every day of what's gonna happen to them.

Are they doing okay?

What does today look like in their day?

And I don't feel really mad yet today,
but that's, that's where I'm at.

Okay.

That was awesome.

Now, do I get to ask
you the same question?

Yeah.

Megan Yoder: But let me finish real quick.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Thanks, Stacy.

So you just, you acknowledge the
gift that the person has given you.

Yeah.

Love that.

Stacy Nation: Okay.

For.

Yeah, your turn.

I love it.

Megan Yoder: Yeah.

Glad, um, really excited for this
conversation today and I told my

students this morning, I was a little
bit nervous for it 'cause I didn't

know how it was gonna go and I'm using
some technology I've not used before.

I'm using a really fancy microphone
and you know how technology can be.

You never know if it's gonna work.

So I was nervous for that.

Um, afraid.

I've got some kids who, some students
who are going through some things,

and so I've got some fear around that.

I don't think I have any mad, sad.

No, I don't think I have any sad.

Hmm.

Stacy Nation: Not anymore.

Thanks.

Thanks for sharing that, Megan.

Yeah.

Megan Yoder: So really it's
just all about the art.

I love that holding space.

Yeah.

And listening.

We don't, we as the facilitators,
don't try and jump in and save and

fix and rescue and offer advice.

We're just listening.

Stacy Nation: I love that.

Well, we talk a lot about that
regulate, relate reason, right?

And those three words, and there's
so many, there's so much just in

that simple piece of sad, glad, mad,
afraid, where you're allowing people

to share regulator, not regulated.

And then just validating and
acknowledging in that relate piece

and not even going to the fixed piece.

And I just, that flows so nicely.

Thanks for sharing that resource.

I think that's such a great resource.

Megan Yoder: And it's also fun too,
because you'll have, sometimes,

especially my teenagers, they'll
be like, well, I'm confused.

Mm-Hmm.

So what is confused?

It's a combination of something, right?

Mm-Hmm.

But what's that

Stacy Nation: combo?

Megan Yoder: Yeah.

We're tired, but combination is tired.

Stacy Nation: Yeah.

Love that.

So when you are living this in your
personal life, what does this look like?

Right?

What does it look like in your family?

Are you, are you, Megan, the educator?

Stop, mom, stop being a teacher,
wife, stop, stop doing this to me.

Like what does that look
like in your personal life?

Megan Yoder: Yeah.

So I actually use mats.

I've got afraid a lot,
especially with my daughter.

She's seven mm-Hmm.

And so she is very
emotionally intelligent.

She's of course super smart
little critter, right?

But she's also constantly like my little
science experiment with stuff like that.

I've even used some of your
strategies on her before when I

took your, one of your classes.

Um, and so I'm able if
she's like, Hmm, no.

Okay, Bella, Matt sad, are afraid.

Mad.

Okay, what's I mad about?

And it just gets her talking instead
of saying, you know, what's wrong?

Why are you growling at me?

You know, because that, that word why
puts them in their defense mechanism.

Yeah, I love that.

And like I learned from you,
why is a cortex question?

Why

Stacy Nation: never brings out warm fuzzy.

I love you.

I wanna tell you why.

Why is so prickly, right?

Yeah.

But what a way to, also, the other
thing you're doing is you're giving

them options for how they feel
so they don't have to like grasp.

Into their cortex and
think of a feeling word.

I really love that piece.

Uh, my daughter introduced me at one of
my last speaking gigs and she's like,

so I'm Stella, her lifetime Guinea pig.

All the things she's talking to you
about, she's worked on with me and

I loved it for a lot of reasons.

But it sounds like in your life
also, this work is not just.

Use at work.

This is not, I think it feels more
meaningful when we're living it ourselves.

Mm-Hmm.

And so what is it like for you to
live some of this work every day?

What are the things you've
put in place in your own life?

Megan Yoder: Oh, well, it even just
kinda helps me identify where I'm at.

Sometimes, like the other morning we're,
you know, it's, it's the morning routine,

like breakfast and get dressed and out
the door and my students are texting

me and you know, just the busyness of
the morning and then my husband goes,

Hey, did you pack or suck lunch yet?

What are you doing right now?

You know what I mean?

And so before I can, before I let
myself respond in that way, I went, who?

Nope.

What am I feeling?

Is it really mad?

No, it's not mad.

It was afraid.

It was afraid that I
wasn't being a good mom.

Stacy Nation: Oof, that
one hits, doesn't it?

How much, you know, how much time do
we spend masking our fear of being

parents in madness or angry or, you
know, those are, sometimes we don't,

it's hard to acknowledge that I'm afraid
if I'm being a good mom or not, Megan.

Megan Yoder: Right.

And I look at, yeah, and I look
at that too as, it's also because

what is society accepting of?

What emotions as a woman.

Are women allowed to
feel out of those four?

We're really only supposed to
show glad because if we're sad.

Oh, are you hormonal?

Yeah.

Are you being irrational?

Same with mad.

Yeah, we're mad.

Oh, are you hormonal?

Like, you know.

Yeah.

And just like men, like men
definitely in society aren't

allowed to show sadness, right?

So no wonder suicide
rates are so high in men.

I.

You're

Stacy Nation: giving people, when you just
break it down in those four categories,

you're really giving people permission
to have a fuller range of emotion.

I love that.

Uh, okay.

I wanna move into a different topic.

Tell me where, so, I'm
coming to a conference.

I've never been to this conference.

I know, I'm so excited.

So I wanna hear, what in the
world are people getting into

Bridging to Resilience, right?

Is that what it's called?

Yes.

I, I always call it B two R, so I
wanna make sure I'm getting that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Tell me what people are,
can look forward to.

Who is this?

Megan Yoder: Um, so this
is literally for everybody.

'cause we at Sdda and the real
resilience team, we strongly believe

that if we want to make major change,
we need everybody at the table.

Teachers, SROs, pharmacists, doctors, the
secretary at a law office, like whoever.

Everybody needs to be at the table.

Parents.

So they can learn parents, of course, yes.

Okay, love that.

And what are,

Stacy Nation: what are
they signing up for?

Megan Yoder: So it is going to
be an amazing two and a half day

conference where we're gonna have
some awesome keynote speakers.

Really?

Yeah.

Um, we've also got Jim SPO leader,
and then, um, we've got Chad Higgins.

Too, who is our, our big
director over all of sda.

And so we've got some
awesome keynote speakers.

And then there's a ton of amazing
breakout sessions in it is from people

who are doing the work out in the field
in their classrooms every single day.

Mm-Hmm.

And then one of my absolute favorite
things is you're gonna get to hear

what we call hope spotlight speeches.

And they are from the
students in our learning.

Mm-Hmm.

They get to tell their stories.

And we also have a parent panel
of, um, people who have come out of

poverty through poverty projects that
we help run, and we just kind of get

to hear their sides of the story.

And it is the most powerful
pieces of love that.

Yeah.

And we, we will feed you well with
all kinds of good snacks and drinks.

Help eat your feelings.

Love

Stacy Nation: that.

Love that.

So one of the things that sometimes
people ask me is, do I need to have my

shit together to come to a conference?

Is that a great question?

You know, people ask me these kind
of things, so I always say no.

What are your thoughts on that?

Oh,

Megan Yoder: hundred percent agree.

Don't you don't have to have your stuff

Stacy Nation: together.

No, because I think conferences
like these, I, for me, coming to

a conference like this is really
about hearing what other people are

doing and getting more ideas, right?

I always say you never have
enough tools in your toolbox.

Um, I feel honored.

I get to come, I get to keynote, I get
to talk, and there are so many people

on the schedule that I'm like, oh, I
can't wait to learn from that person.

I can't wait to learn from that person.

And so whatever role we're in, I don't
think we have enough tools in our toolbox.

Mm-hmm.

Right, and so I'm
excited about that piece.

Tell me what the weather's
gonna be like in November in

Megan Yoder: Kansas.

Oh, goodness.

You know, it could easily
be 40 degrees and snowing.

It could be a warm, perfect day.

So.

Good to know.

I, I can even remember just a couple
years ago wearing jeans and a T-shirt

and it was Christmas Eve, so you just
don't know what Kansas is gonna do.

So, um, pack the day before you come,
after you take the weather forecast

and also know that might change too.

Stacy Nation: No, this
is really helpful, Megan.

I know some people make jokes about
like, let me talk about the weather.

It's very surfacey.

When we live in the Colorado
Mountains, weather is all about

connection and bringing us together
because we're surviving the weather.

And so I'm always curious
where other places are.

Okay.

I would love to hear one of
your favorite tools in your

toolbox around dysregulation.

You see a kid in the middle of a meltdown
really struggling, whether that's.

The upset kind of on
that arousal continuum.

Angry kind of dysregulated in that way,
or shut down, checked out, not available.

They're somewhere in that
continuum and they're dysregulated.

What's the number one thing you
do to connect with that kid?

Megan Yoder: The very first thing
I do is I sit hip to hip with them.

Stacy Nation: Ah, love that.

Parallel.

Mm-Hmm.

Megan Yoder: So good.

And I just sit there in silence.

Mm.

Silence

Stacy Nation: is our superpower, right?

Yes.

Megan Yoder: Okay.

Hip to hip.

Hip to hip.

Stacy Nation: Hip.

Hip to hip.

Zip it.

That's what I'm gonna
call this intervention.

Okay.

What?

And then what do you do?

How long do you, how do,
how long do you hip and zip?

Megan Yoder: I might have a
little, like maybe over between

30 seconds and a minute, and then
I just take a big, deep breath.

And I let them hear that.

Hmm.

And then pretty soon I'll take another
one and then they're doing it with me.

Mm-Hmm.

I love that.

It's those mirror neurons in our brain.

Right.

And then pretty soon we're
breathing together and then I'll

just ask mad, sad, or afraid.

Hmm.

And then we kind of get
a conversation going.

Or if they kind of don't
respond right away, I might say.

Are, are we good here?

Stacy Nation: Should we
get up and walk and talk?

Mm.

Yeah.

That movement piece.

That movement.

So hip, zip, breathe.

Mm-Hmm.

Feeling check-in.

Yeah.

Love that.

Uh, how responsive do you
think kids are to that?

Because there might be some
people listening to this that are

like, that's never gonna work.

Megan Yoder: Sure.

Um, you also have to
have a relationship too.

A kid.

I, you know, honestly, in my experiences,
I don't know that I've ever seen a

stranger be able to walk up to a kid and
regulate them because there's some form

of trust there of like, I've got you.

Stacy Nation: Yeah.

I'm a So you're not, you're
not hip zip breathing with a

kid you don't know necessarily.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think that's so important.

And when I talk to parents and
families or teachers about, I can

never do this, when that feedback
is like, that's never gonna work.

Uh, that's exactly what I
say too, is relationship.

How much money in the bank
of relationship do you have?

Mm-Hmm.

And I love that.

And, and the, the parallel process.

So much better than this.

Right?

One-to-one eye to eye.

Isn't that scary?

It can

Megan Yoder: be very intimidating.

Yeah.

Like if I'm, if I'm dysregulated, I
don't want my boss in my face like.

What's wrong?

You

Stacy Nation: know, I'm, I'm
picturing that actually, I'm picturing

like you and Rebecca doing that.

Like I, that feels so
uncomfortable for and for you both.

Like, I can't even imagine that happening.

Right.

And

Megan Yoder: we're we're educated
people with fully formed brains.

Now we're expecting kids
to be eye to eye with us.

And um, and then another thing I love
to do, people laugh at me for this,

but especially if they don't respond
right away and I'm still giving

'em space, we're still breathing.

Right?

Be like, see that thing right there?

What would it be like if we licked that?

Ooh.

I love that

Stacy Nation: question

Megan Yoder: because then your
tongue literally can feel it.

I mean, like right now, if I looked
at my keyboard and went, Hmm, what

would it be like if I licked that?

I can feel what that would be.

It's like smooth and
bumpy and there's cracks.

You can feel

Stacy Nation: that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the strategy that in that right, is
distraction, humor, sensory system, like

just that one question is so engaging
in all the parts we wanna regulate.

And I love, that's great.

My daughter would be
like, well, let's lick it.

We lick everything.

That's what, that's how this works.

She loves to lick people when she says
hi, that's how she greets to them.

She'll love that.

I disclose that.

Uh, okay, so any lasting thoughts?

Thoughts you wanna
leave with our audience?

Anything else we should know about
Megan Yoder in all that you're doing?

Oh gosh.

Megan Yoder: Um, that's a big one.

I just, I really believe in kids.

And their stories, and whether it's
little T trauma or Big T trauma,

like we're all impacted by something.

Like I, nobody gets
outta childhood for free.

No.

And we all have things.

And if anything, one of my biggest,
I don't know if I, I don't wanna,

I don't think I wanna say focus or.

I don't know what word I wanna
put there, but I love to help

break up the stereotypes of an
alternate school kid or that kid.

Mm-Hmm.

Because, you know, if we, if we knew their
whole story, it would break our hearts.

Stacy Nation: Mm-Hmm.

It sounds like that's a really
important value for you also, that,

that understanding the bigger picture
and the bigger story, and not just

this little sliver slice of behavior.

That's such a big piece.

Well, I love that we
got this time together.

Megan, thank you for joining me.

I can't wait to hug you in November.

This is so exciting.

So, okay.

We will be in touch.

I will see you soon.

Okay, good.

Megan Yoder: Thanks for having me, Stacy.