Chitty Chats with Stacy

The therapist's job is not to bias a
person's experience about their childhood.

Whew.

That is one of the quotes that I
wrote down from this weekend at the

Psychotherapy Network or Symposium.

That is a quote by Dr. Dan Siegel.

Friends, welcome back to
Chitty Chats with Stacy.

Over the next few weeks, I'm just
going to take you through some

of the things I've been learning
about, thinking about, got some.

Awesome guests scheduled.

Gotta get 'em in and online
and recorded and uploaded.

So give me a couple weeks, but in the
meantime, today we're gonna chat about

psychotherapy network or conference.

So this is a symposium
that I try to attend.

I've attended for four years.

I missed last year because I was
deployed this year was especially

exciting for me because two of the
keynote addresses were Nadine, Dr.

Nadine Burke Harris, and Dr. Bruce Perry.

And I just wanna go through a
few of the things that I just

took away from this training.

It was four intense days.

The first day was all about
trauma and nutrition, and it was

five hour session by Dr. Amy.

Pegeen Apoian and Louis Mojica,
and they talked about really the

conversation between the biology
of trauma and food and how we use

food to manage our nervous system.

Boy, I learned some really good
stuff in there and it really got me

thinking about what are the things
that you are not willing to give

up that you consume in your body?

Maybe it's caffeine, maybe it's chocolate,
maybe it's, alcohol in the evening,

or perhaps it's a salad or avocado.

What are the things that
you're not willing to give up?

And what are those things that
you're consuming, what are they

protecting your nervous system from?

I went ahead and I bought the
book, the Biology of Trauma,

and I'm very excited to read it.

I'm very excited to listen
about adrenaline and cortisol

and from a food perspective.

And a nutrition perspective.

One of the things that I thought was
very interesting is that dissociative

events, like when we go to the.

Refrigerator and we get something out
of the refrigerator and we eat it.

And we haven't really thought
intentionally about what

we're putting in our body.

Sometimes it's not a choice.

Sometimes it's completely dissociative.

We use food as medicine.

We can be conscious about why we are
doing this and what we are doing.

We're here to talk about.

Really what's happening in your
nervous system that you're addressing.

And so that was pretty fascinating and
I've definitely experienced an awareness

and have brought into awareness a
little bit more of that connection.

And if you're listening this today,
food for Thought, just literally food.

Think about the food that you're
putting in your body and you're

consuming and really check in with
your nervous system before you do that.

And the question then becomes what
would happen if you went without that?

And sometimes we don't really
know until we do a survey.

I've.

I don't drink coffee.

I used to drink a lot of Diet Pepsi.

I used to drink Diet Coke
while I was deployed.

I was drinking Coke Zero.

And then I've gone without
caffeine multiple times in my life.

And what I've realized is
when I start my morning with a

Celsius, and some of you will.

Rip me up for this 'cause it's not healthy
and all the things that go with it.

I actually really just feel better.

I feel more energized, I feel
more awake gets my brain working,

and then I get on my treadmill.

I, it's like a pre-workout
probably for me.

And so I think just thinking about.

Your body and what you've got going on.

And Lewis, he talked a lot about his quiet
diet where there's no glucose spikes.

He's eating greens, beans,
and proteins all day.

And I just, there was so
much good stuff in there.

So I just wanna acknowledge that.

And then listening to Dr. Nadine
Burke Harris, my friends, if you

have not watched her ACEs talk, then.

You've probably not heard
me speak in public, but get

or her TED talk about ACEs.

So get on YouTube, type in Dr.
Nadine Burke Harris, if you

have children in your life.

If you're working through any of your
own childhood trauma, listen to her Ted.

Talk about ACEs.

What are ACEs?

ACEs or adverse childhood experiences?

She has a great website called ACEs Aware,
and she's building an infrastructure

to put things in place to help us.

Come overcome ACEs and really have paces,
which are positive childhood experiences.

And she just reiterated how much of a
global collective public health issue

adversity, childhood ad adversity is and.

For those of us who've been in this field,
we know that ACEs is not comprehensive.

The 10 basic ACEs questions,
we've taken that research further.

We know that it misses some things, but.

It is a public health issue,
and we've gotta, we've gotta

collectively continue to address it.

So always feel so inspired by her.

And then, Dr. Siegel, whew.

He had a lovely woman
with him named Sally.

She's a clinician, but was
also his former client.

And there were so many things that
came up in this session that was really

about interpersonal neurobiology, but
also addressed Sally's experience with

dissociative identity disorder and.

I've been somebody who is treated
dissociative DI identity disorder.

I've also been somebody who has a
lot of people in my life who've have

been dissociative, and I too, if I'm
really honest, have been dissociative

off and on throughout my whole life.

I feel like in the last probably
four years, I'm definitely more

present than I've ever been.

And I think that's a hundred
percent connected to safety.

And so to reiterate, the quote I started
with the therapist's job is not to bias a

person's experience about their childhood.

That really resonated with me.

That really sat with me.

I think a lot about how people land
in my life as a clinician and how

many clinicians they've had before me.

So if you're listening to this and
you are a clinician, it's so important

that we leave our judgment outside.

Like we are going to have biases
and we need to acknowledge

those, and it is not our job to.

Bias, a person's experience
about their childhood.

They may have grown up with a lot of
traumatic events in their childhood, and

they may not view it in the same way.

And so it's really our job to hold
space to create trust and safety

so the person can unfold their
own journey and make their own

determinations about their childhood.

And that was such a great.

Such a great breakout.

It was so critical to much of
the work that I do and just

reiterated so many things.

Children's responses are fluid
throughout their lifetime.

They may change their attachment or the
understanding of their own childhood.

How parents understand their own
childhood is critical to how they parent.

So that's been a huge piece of my journey
and breaking my own generational cycles.

The past stay with you in the present.

Some of you have heard me talk about
the unconscious, the train wreck of

the unconscious, and there's this.

This term that I use, the train
wreck of the unconscious, where our

past creeps in all sorts of ways.

And the more we acknowledge and notice
and discuss and are aware of the

things that happened in our past, the
less they creep in unhealthy ways.

And so we don't want train
wrecks to be happening.

And so we talked a lot
about implicit memory.

We also talked about the importance of.

Clinicians being educators.

And that's what I'm always hoping to do
in this podcast is just provide additional

education, additional resources.

I think that we're often going through
these very common human challenges,

and so giving this educational
information is wonderful, one of the

things that Dr. Siegel reiterated that
I've told a lot of my clients is that

supportive therapy doesn't do anything.

It takes four to six clinicians before
someone lands in the correct office, and

we need clinicians that have specific.

Knowledge around dissociation,
around state dependence, all sorts

of, topics with specific knowledge.

I don't wanna see somebody if I'm getting
treated for substance use, who doesn't

have knowledge specific to substance use.

And so as therapists, it's really
our opportunity to educate around

the things that we have knowledge on.

And our learning is never.

It's just never, ever stopping.

It, I just learned so much.

I learned so much.

That was such a powerful, it
was such a powerful session.

And immediately after the
session, it was so intense.

I was like, I'm gonna need,
I'm gonna need a cocktail.

Which is interesting because
I haven't actually had that.

Impulse in a very long time.

I've been really working on alcohol
intake and what it means for me

and different things like that.

And so to have that impulse as I am
coming out of a day of trauma nutrition

and having that impulse after a
day of talking about dissociation,

I, it was not lost on me friends.

It was not lost on me.

And yes, I did in fact have a cocktail.

But I did it with lots of intention.

It was one cocktail and I
knew exactly what I was doing.

So I thought that was an important piece
of what, tying together the learning I'm

doing and then to listen to Dr. Perry.

Wow.

For those of you who are new
to me, Dr. Perry's been in my

life for about 20 years now.

Started, found his work and
started listening to him when I

was pregnant with my first child.

Deeply ingrained myself in the neuro
sequential work and then became a

neuro sequential model of therapeutics.

Clinician phase one and
phase two have really.

Just changed the way I completely see the
whole world, and so what an honor it was

for me yesterday to witness him getting
his lifetime achievement award from the

psychotherapy networker, and I got to
do it from the comfort of my own home is

the first time my husband has heard Dr.

Perry speak.

He listened with me and my puffers
were there and I appreciated.

There's so much that's happened with
the neuro sequential model since

he started this work, and I can't
even imagine what his experience is.

But I know from my experience there's been
a lot of judgment around the model, around

his work, different things like that.

And a couple of the things he said
that were so useful were one, all

models are wrong, but some are useful.

That's a quote from George EP box that he.

He had on his slides,
which I thought was great.

And, models teach.

And the neuros sequential model
has really helped me teach.

It's helped me teach educators,
it's helped me teach my veterans,

it's helped me teach my children.

It's helped me in my own relationships.

And my favorite quote
that he said yesterday.

Really had to do with relationships.

And he said Relationships are
mutative change, which means

we change in relationships.

We are the people who, when we're
in a deep, meaningful relationship,

we understand stress, we understand
the proper dosing of stress.

We understand that when people.

Are too stressed their nervous systems get
activated, and our job is to co-regulate

and help that nervous system come back
to center, to come back to a place

where they can manage those stressor.

When we understand that in
relationship, our relationships

just get more meaningful and.

I loved that.

I love just continuing to think about
every interaction that we have being

a healing, therapeutic experience.

When I deployed, I went in with
this knowledge and I very much was

intentional in how I interacted
with every soldier within my.

Sphere of influence.

Always.

Good morning.

How are you?

Hi.

How are you doing?

Tuning into the body language?

When I had to leave our base for a little
bit, I had a soldier say, ma'am, no

one even says Good morning to us while
you're gone, when are you coming back?

And.

It reminded me, even as adults,
how important it is for us to have

healing therapeutic experiences.

My best friend and I have been texting
each other three gratefuls every night for

several years, and that is a therapeutic.

Experience.

For me, it's healing.

It's letting me know that somebody
on the other end wants to hear

what I'm grateful for, and I wanna
hear what she's grateful for.

So even though we don't live in
the same town, it's a healing,

therapeutic experience for both of us.

We do not have to be in therapy
with a therapist to have a

healing therapeutic experience.

That's my hope for you all as
you're listening to Chitty Chats.

As you're spending time with me, always
feel very honored that you've taken

the time to listen to these episodes.

And I'm gonna keep teaching.

I'm gonna keep learning, and
I want you to really think

about your own nervous system.

What is therapeutic for it?

Is it a walk outside?

Is it calling a friend?

Is it reading a book?

Is it creating, is it.

Taking a quiet moment
is it going for a drive?

We can create these experiences that
are therapeutic in our own life and

we can dose those for ourselves.

We can also be very aware of.

How we're presenting to other people.

Are we safe?

Are we connected?

Are we available for relationship?

Are we tense?

Are we someone people
walk on eggshells with?

Just continuing to think about those
pieces of how we show up in the

world and then being aware of that.

So critical.

Another breakout session that
I took was with Terry Cole.

She's a clinician who works with
high functioning, codependent

people, and boy, howdy.

Could I relate to a lot of that?

How many of us are over
functioning for the people we love?

How many of us are burnt out from carrying
the mental load, the work in our families?

We have a lot of things we talk about
in our house, but are you the planner?

Are you the person that gets
everyone, packed up in the car

and scheduled for the vacation?

Are you getting everybody out the door?

Are you thinking 15 steps ahead?

And Terry asked these two.

Really important questions
that I hope are useful for you.

One is what are you tolerating?

What are you tolerating in your life?

Whether it's a light bulb in your
house that needs changed, whether

it's a relationship, whether
it's something happening at work.

What are you tolerating in your life?

And what do you wanna do with that?

Do you wanna keep tolerating or do
you wanna do something out about it?

And then the second question is, where
and with whom am I over functioning?

Where and with whom am I over functioning?

Think about the people in your life
that you might be doing stuff for

them when they're perfectly capable
of doing stuff for themselves.

How is that benefiting you?

Is it benefiting you because
then you don't have to deal

with the stress of something?

Is it a benefit?

What's the cost to you?

Such good stuff.

I'll leave you with this.

I am always learning always learning.

I'm reading a lot.

I'm learning a lot.

I've been doing this
work now for 25 years.

I've been deeply ingrained in
developmental trauma for over

20 years, and there's always
new stuff to be learning.

And so the simplest thing that
I have learned in all of those

25 years is related to me.

I only have control over to me.

I only have control over myself and.

I can tune into my nervous system and
meet my nervous system where it's at,

give it what it's need, what it needs.

I am going to get further if my
nervous system needs rest, if it needs

a break, if it needs to get up and
move, if it needs to carry something

heavy, if it needs to eliminate.

Some relationships or set
boundaries around some relationships

if it needs to ask for help.

Our nervous system drives everything else,
and that's all part of our brain, right?

And so we gotta take care of ourselves.

And I just wanted to leave you
with a couple of those antidotes,

whether you're a parent, a
caregiver, a clinician, a veteran.

I wanna hear from you, so drop me a
question that you're curious about

either from this podcast or just in life.

And I'm going to start answering some
of these questions on the podcast.

My email is stacy@gobyu.org.

Stacy, S-T-A-C-Y at go, G-O-B-E-Y-O u.org.

And then be sure you subscribe
and share our podcast with anyone

who it might be useful for.

That makes a big difference on our side.

We love knowing who we're sharing it with.

And then I gear up friends.

I have got some amazing
podcasts guests coming up.

We're scheduled.

We're gonna have some good stuff.

We're gonna talk trauma informed.

Schools we're gonna talk clinical stuff.

We're gonna talk masculinity, we're
gonna talk psychedelic therapy.

We're gonna talk about some
fantastic topics, and I'm

excited for you to be here.

Hope you all have a great week,
and I'll see you next week.

I'll chat with you next week.