Chitty Chats with Stacy

Stacy York Nation: [00:00:00] Hey friends, uh, it's a beautiful snowy day here in the Colorado mountains as I make my way back to Wyoming. I was just thinking to myself, uh, I mean it's, it's snowy in the fact that it has snowed but it's not currently snowing and I am safe. I am on the roads that have been plowed on my side. I am aware of all the traffic. 

Uh, I had the opportunity this weekend to to attend the psychotherapy network or conference virtually, which means four days with 5, 000 therapists, clinicians, which are licensed clinical social workers, licensed and marriage family therapists, licensed clinical professional [00:01:00] counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, uh, over a thousand, uh, a thousand of us were online and 4, 000 people. 

We're together in Washington, DC. This has become one of my favorite conferences to attend. And so for those of you that don't know, we clinicians who are licensed, we have to, uh, complete continuing education every year, depending on where we're licensed and what the requirements are. It's typically 20 hours a year and three of those hours need to be around ethics. 

And then, you know, typically we get to choose topics that we We are, uh, you know, we are interested in, and so this conference came to me because I have a colleague who's really loved it and I attended it last year and then this year I was like, yeah, I got to do this again. And so I'm excited. I'm excited about the knowledge I've learned. 

Uh, but [00:02:00] I also got to tell you, whew, I was exhausted. There was one whole day that really were topics about my own work that I need to be doing. My own stuff that I need to be working on and working through the, you know, trauma of my own childhood, working through the trauma of my marriages, working through me, bringing trauma to my own children. 

Uh, and some of you might be like, Stacy, what do you mean trauma to your own children? So, you know, we, we have the ACE study at Virginia Tech. childhood experiences. And one of the questions, uh, is did you grow up in a, were your parents divorced? Did you grow up in a home with divorce? And my kids are going to say, yes, my kids will forever say yes to that question. 

And so, yeah, [00:03:00] that's me creating a trauma for my own children. And so I have been working hard on awareness and intentionality and how I show up and how I'm also breaking. I'm going to be talking about creating my own generational patterns. And so this weekend I hit topics around affairs and betrayal. Do a lot of couples work and affairs and betrayal is a huge topic. 

It's a huge topic that's very taboo. I've had my own experiences with that and you know, in some of my own relationships and that's a topic that nobody wants to talk about. Uh, I've, we also discussed Just adult children of immature parents, and that one was just, whew, that was a lot. That was a lot for me personally to be thinking about, uh, both in my [00:04:00] own experiences as I watch my own children, what kind of development did I mess out on because of the home I grew up in. 

I also did topics around, uh, internal family system, which is parts work. And if you've hung out with me, very often. Either personally or professionally. We talk about little Stacy and there's little parts of you all the time there. Uh, you don't walk across a threshold of a room without your own experiences, so it's important to know what those parts, uh, provide for you. 

Uh, and that was, that was really powerful. The person who was doing the training said something that was very interesting to me. Um, he said, our parts that feel suicidal are not the. They are the first responders. They are the last responders and that has been something I've been sitting with this last few days because I work with a lot of clients who [00:05:00] have suicidal ideation or suicidal plan and it's a huge piece of my military population for sure. 

But even in my population, my private practice clients, we see suicidal ideation increase due to traumatic experiences. The part of us that needs to be honored that really brings that suicidal ideation to the table is a part that protects us and is it a part and is a last responder. It often makes me wonder, are we exploring all the other parts that have tried that have been the first responders? 

And so I'll be sitting with that quite a bit, actually, for the next, the next few days, next few weeks, next few months. I also did a training about tapping and adding tapping. Tapping to healing the body, uh, which is something that if you're an EMDR therapist, you know that we do tapping. If you've [00:06:00] been in EMDR therapy, tapping is a huge part. 

Um, and what I appreciated about this particular, uh, presenter is the discussion around bilateral stimulation and it doesn't just have to be tapping. It's how do we get our whole brain involved and activated in our healing? And so bilateral music, bilateral Binaural sounds. Oh, it was just so much goodness. 

Uh, I really appreciated that. Had the opportunity to listen to Brian Stevenson's work. Uh, he runs the justice initiative. And if you don't know about Brian Stevenson, my friends look him up, listen to him, uh, his movie, his book, just mercy. He's doing really important work. And one of the things he said that has been sitting with me is we have to have uncomfortable conversations. 

We can no longer. longer maintain the status quo. We can no longer keep our mouths shut. We can no longer just be okay, excuse me, [00:07:00] with where we're at in the world. We have to say something. We have to have uncomfortable conversations. And that was, that's been something that I have really been considering in my own life, uh, even doing this perspective right now and acknowledging, yeah, you know, affairs and betrayal have been a part of my own journey. 

47 years, I've got some stories for my own personal journey. Uh, and that is a big acknowledgement. That feels vulnerable. That feels scary to say that. And it's not talked about enough. And if I'm not talking about it, who's talking about it? Who are the people that are talking about this? And so we have to start owning our own stories and I'm here to do that. 

And so thank you, Brian Stevenson, uh, Prentice Hemphill, beautiful speaker. And one of the things they said was, We have to be in spaces to change the culture, even if we're uncomfortable in those spaces. If we're not in [00:08:00] spaces, we can't change culture, and I really appreciate that piece. Uh, and then I did some yoga. 

I'm, I'm new. I'm not new to yoga. I've done yoga. Uh, and I have some great yoga providers and the conversation around trauma informed yoga has been one that is ongoing and important and valuable. And then how do you find a provider who knows what they're doing? And so I'm learning, I'm learning about that. 

And then I ended the conference in a session with Dr. David Grand talking about brain spotting. And if you don't know about brain spotting. I'm here. I'm here to help you learn. Uh, also listen to my chitty chat with my sister, uh, Stephanie Newman. She has been doing brain spotting for a long time and I have just in my own therapy, I've just started with a new therapist myself and have added bilateral music to [00:09:00] my therapy work and have opened up the pieces about starting to do brain spotting. 

I have several people in my life or who are experiencing. brain spotting. And one of the things that I, so David Grand said a lot of things I already agree with. Uh, one of the things he said that I've agreed with for a very long time and I've discussed with, or I've heard Dr. Perry discuss, uh, is the DSM, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual where we diagnose people with a problem and then we turn it into insurance so that we can get paid. 

And then we create a treatment plan. And what happens is it's a medical model and it perpetuates illness. illness. And I think most clinicians who've been doing this work for a really long time and are very attuned to their clients. Don't agree. We don't agree. We don't like diagnosing. We don't want to diagnose. 

We don't want to perpetuate illness. We want people to get better. And we have a model that doesn't work [00:10:00] and it's creating additional anxiety, additional depression. And what we, what he said that I really appreciate is that brains Brainspotting and this, he calls it guidelines around brain spotting is about what happens with clients organically. 

And I've been a clinician now for over 20 years and I've often said clients know exactly where they need to go and they know exactly what they need to heal. Therapists just have to get out of the way. And I've had a lot of experience with people who've had really terrible therapists. And I think what I learned yesterday as I watched the video. 

I watched the chat box and I read questions and I listened is that therapists want control. I think I've known that, but we don't want to get out of the way. We want to tell people how to heal, want to tell them what to do. And the reality is that's just not how it works. Uh, I know I've been in therapy for a long time and working on a lot of [00:11:00] stuff and my, my clinician will tell me, Hey, you should try this or Hey, what about that? 

And I rarely do that. I'm a terrible client, a terrible client. Uh, or I do that when I'm ready to do that. It's a part of my journey. And so I love when he says, you know, brain spotting is about what organically takes place in the therapy room. And it's about getting out of your frontal lobe, your cortex and getting underneath that and sitting. 

It's about sitting. in the hard stuff. And I think that's another piece as clinicians where we have to be quiet. And silence is our superpower. Silence is something that is very useful when we just let clients sit with what is happening and we're witnessing it. We're there and we're witnessing what's happening inside of them. 

We're seeing them release stress. [00:12:00] We're seeing them release trauma. We don't always have to know what it is that's going on inside of them to do that. Just be a witness and hold space for that. And so super powerful weekend. Uh, always come away exhausted, filled with a lot of knowledge. I love listening and learning. 

It reminds me that I'm on my own journey. I have my own stuff to always be working on. Uh, and I'm working through some things. One of the, one of the people I listened to, um, on Friday, Thursday, Thursday was a five hour, uh, call. Class and Dr. Abby Blakeslee talked a lot about healing the embodiment of healing developmental trauma or just healing trauma and that, you know, not only does our body keep the score, our body tells us the score. 

And I sat with that and there were a few times I just became super tearful and I'll probably get teary as I [00:13:00] cry about this because it's one of the things I need to work on. Um, I haven't allowed myself the space to think. Think about and talk about having a miscarriage, uh, that's a huge loss. I know many women who have experienced that loss and who will always feel the loss. 

And I am a believer that grief is the ultimate love story and I think miscarriage is a part of that. And so, I am walking away from the weekend, uh, with grief. I'm really settling into my own work and my own topics of what I need to look at and process and let go of, work through, release, embody, all that kind of stuff. 

I also want to point out that I'm going to function. I'll be okay. This [00:14:00] doesn't level me out. I did a lot of regulation during this time. I was on my rower while I was listening to some presentations. I made sure I sat in my hot tub every night. Uh, I ate nourishing food, uh, hugged my kids, and I feel like I added regulation as we went through these topics. 

So, shout out to all my clinicians who are doing your work, who are continuing to grow. Uh, we can't take our clients where they need to go if we're not willing to go there ourselves. And a bigger shout out to all my clients and the humans who are brave enough to say that. Sit on the couch, open up your heart and allow someone to be with you, witness and just be in it. 

And so I love you and I'm here for you and I'm just sending all the love and energy I can out into the world this week. [00:15:00] Hope you have a great week.